Loss & Gain
My claddagh ring is gone.
I went to put it on this morning from its usual spot on my nightstand, and it’s gone.
Nothing out of the ordinary can I recall about how that came to be. In fact, it has become such a ritual to have it on ever since I acquired it in Galway, that it feels like something that is just meant to be. The way you get up and brush your teeth without thinking about it. It’s just a part of your life.
It was a part of my life. And now it’s gone. I am fairly certain it just came off my finger somewhere, somehow. I just don’t know where. It’s not the first time something like this happened to me…meaningful tokens, especially in the form of jewellery, seem to have a penchant of simply disappearing into thin airs when bestowed upon me. My first thin gold bracelet from mom. A handmade friendship bracelet from my best friend in junior high. I used to be moody for days after that, and mom consoled me by citing an ancient Chinese wisdom that basically says that if you lost something that is valuable, it is fate’s way of protecting you from an impending harm. Ying and Yang, the universe keeps a balance. So technically, the greater the value of your loss, the greater the disaster you averted. I was too young to be content with that explanation. But how do you know that you avoided something bad? I would ask. Couldn’t it be possible that nothing bad is going to happen anyway? And why couldn’t fate take something else…why does it have to take that?
Faith, sweetie, mom would say. You just have to have faith.
Well, years later, I’m still not sure I have that much faith in this ancient wisdom. There have been instances where I’m surprised at the bullet I dodged, and it is comforting to think that the world is inconspicously looking out for you somehow, but I prefer to take rein of my own life. I prefer to decide what I like, what I dislike, what I treasure, and what I can leave behind. No one else should decide that for me. I didn’t ask for it.
The ring didn’t cost much…but it was the symbol of one of the most magical travels I’ve had and a special friendship. It is an insufferable loss and I am beyond the point of consolation.
Just now, however, a package arrived from Amazon – Citizen Kane, The Conversation, and Ebert’s “Awake in the Dark.”
Ying and Yang…maybe?
EDIT (Oct 13, 2009):
Guess what? I return from the long weekend in a daze of food slumber and in the midst of rushing to work this morning, I was franticly searching through my ring dish to find something to wear, and what do I see in the midst of it, shimmering?
My claddagh ring.
It has returned!
Like nothing happened, exactly where I used to put it. I know I looked there many times too…how bizarre eh? Thanks for your well wishes. I’m usually too cynical to celebrate the true spirit of thanksgiving – I get into it for the food, but this year, I am truly thankful!